Many parents and mental health professionals avoid talking with children about their prior traumas, fearing that such discussions will cause more pain and reinforce the trauma. Conversely, when children share their stories within a context of attunement, support, and safety, while developing a coherent and sensible narrative, they can face their fears and pain, and begin to heal the trauma. There are a number of reasons why communicating one’s story is therapeutic.
As previously noted, one therapeutic goal is to facilitate integration of the two brain hemispheres. The right side of the brain processes emotions and explicit (autobiographical) memory. The left side is logical, making sense of feelings, experiences, and memories. When children, teens, and adults talk about their experiences and emotions, while being helped to create an honest and logical narrative, their right and left hemispheres are working together. The task of developing a rational narrative is accomplished during several therapeutic interventions, including first-year attachment cycle, inner child metaphor, and psychodramatic reenactment.
The child is sharing his or her story in a context of support and attunement, both crucial for the development of secure attachment, but absent for traumatized children. Therapists and parents listen to the child’s emotions and perceptions with verbal and nonverbal responses of empathy and understanding (“limbic resonance”). The child learns that he or she is no longer alone—now able to face and share painful emotions and memories with the support of caring adults. This promotes a change in the internal working model from the old (“caregivers are dangerous, not to be trusted”), to the new (“caregivers are safe, can be trusted”). Since new experiences rewire the limbic brain, sharing one’s story in the context of support, empathy, and safety fosters changes in the architecture and biochemistry of the brain. It creates connection, biologically and emotionally.
Retelling stories also helps to modify self-identity. Children learn that they can face their scary and painful past, and tolerate their emotions and anxiety, without losing control, going “crazy,” or using old defenses (e.g., avoidance, denial, disassociation). They evolve from the old “victim” mindset (“I am helpless and can’t cope”) to a new “survivor” mindset (“I am competent and can cope”). Using language—helping children to use words to describe and communicate their feelings and experiences—calms the fear circuits of the brain and reduces acting-out. Children learn to identify and talk about their thoughts and emotions in a safe environment rather than displaying their inner struggles through negative behaviors. Effective communication is key.
